Have you ever felt complete disinterest in something that has defined you for almost your entire life?

Well, that’s how I feel lately.  

Don’t get me wrong, I still love it, but at this point in time, with our country doing some strange shit, continuing my education in exercise science is not all that interesting to me. Or maybe I should say it seems less impactful than the current circumstances.  

I’ve felt a shift in my passion.  A change in my understanding of what is important to me in my life and world and what isn’t so important.

For many of us, our states and country are in a strange upheaval, changing the dynamic of the lives we’ve lived and known since we were children.

Never once in my early years did I consider that I would be deprived of any freedom, much less the very freedoms the founders of America wrote down on a very important piece of paper so we would never forget.  Now, I fear a little every day that my children will not know the freedoms and blessings we’ve had for 200+ years.  

If your state is open and your gym is full of sweaty meatheads and cardio Karen’s I am excited for you.

If your state is still closed, like mine, and you’re finding it difficult to continue being enthusiastic about any type of movement or exercise, don’t feel bad.  Don’t feel guilty for letting the current issues take more residence in your mind and life than how many minutes you need to rest between sets of 5 @ 78%.  

Although I still am loving my training – I’m lucky to have a well equipped home gym – I find myself far more interested in our country’s politics and history’s and current events.  

After talking to quite a few people, I’ve noticed that something has stirred in us.  Many, from the time we were children, have felt a great sense of justice and injustice.  We grew up and grew to believe that our sense of fairness and justice was a waste because life is simply not fair or just.  But, Covid-19 has lit a fire within us.  

Our passions will ebb and flow.  It’s taken me a while to accept that.  It’s been a hot minute since I allowed myself to feel what I feel and not force myself to care about what I do for a living.  

If your passion for the gym is waining, it’s not ok to guilt yourself into feeling it or making yourself believe you’re a failure because it’s not the first thing on your mind every day.  

For some it will be what gets them through this new crisis.  For some it will be harder to deal with the current American situation while also stressing about the lack of calorie burn, muscle damage or minutes on the treadmill.  

I care more about my country’s future than whether or not my abs are showing.  I care more about my kid’s not being subjects of a government who doesn’t actually give a rat’s ass about them than I do about how much I can deadlift (though I still care about that).

I have found in my 15+ years in the health and fitness industry that at a certain point, fitness becomes an obsession.  When that happens, the individual tends to identify with it so much that when the goal or ability to train is gone the identity is gone.  That’s a rough fuckin’ place to be, especially when life is in chaos anyways. 

Chosing to be valued and identified as what you stand for, how you treat people and what you do is far more important than how striated your glutes are, how pumped your quads are and anything in between.  

HOWEVER.  There’s always a ‘but’ isn’t there!?

Training.  Consistent physical exertion. Manual labor.  That’s therapy to many and the reason why many right now are even able to function on a daily basis.

If that’s what gets you through (routine of exertion, planning meals, executing macros, etc etc) then by all means, go all in.  I feel this deep.  There is no real reason for me to be counting macros, but I do every day, even if I don’t stick to them, simply because it gives me some structure, something to control.

I train most days.  It helps control my anxiety, my frustrations. Being physically tired helps me feel relaxed, accomplished, dialed in and I’m a way better human bean when I have that little part of my day cut out.  That structure makes me feel prepared for what lays ahead.

I’m not telling you to do one thing or another.  I’m not telling you that what you’re feeling is ok or not.  I’m not telling you how to feel, how to live, what to focus on, or anything else.

I’m letting you know… you’re not alone.

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